A solution for Global Warmening

January 30, 2007 at 5:17 pm (Amusement)

I have a solution for Global Warmening.

You see, it cannot be denied that a major factor in Global Warmening is bovine flatulence. Therefore, we must:

  • outlaw vegetarianism
  • promote the eating of beef
  • have the Government subsidize steak houses to permit them to offer their goods at a greatly reduced price

Voilà! A solution we all can benefit from!

My only response to those who might disagree with these proposals is: why do you hate the earth so much? why do you hate humanity so much?



  1. Jake said,

    you joke, but it’s actually a very serious issue. the livestock industry causes 1/5 of human-induced greenhouse gases – even more than transportation. and of course the reason there are so many of these animals is not their incredible selective advantage, but because humans force them to reproduce at an artificially high rate. this would stop if the market for meat disappeared, so the problem is too few vegetarians. in 50-100 years, when the damage from global warming becomes too great to ignore, meat will become extremely expensive. but until then, go ahead and take your pleasure at the expense of future generations and the horribly suffering animals.

  2. dicentra said,

    It took me a second to understand what you meant: we should commence eating all of the cows until they’re gone.

    It took me a second because if everyone eats more beef, the ranchers will breed more cows to keep up with the increase in demand. You get rid of cows when people stop eating them, so it’s no longer profitable to raise them.

    So how’s that for overanalyzing a joke?

    So I guess I have to answer your questions: “why do you hate the earth so much? why do you hate humanity so much?”

    I hate the earth because it is indifferent to the Plight of Man. For example, the earth gave rise to Ailanthus altissima, ironically called the “Tree of Heaven,” which plagues my existence. I have several adult specimens in and around my yard and several other stumps, which I am not equipped to remove. Both the adults and the stumps produce suckers prolifically, despite the extremely poor condition of my soil, and their leaves produce a mild herbicide that stunts or kills other plants. I have poisoned, dug up, cut, poisoned, poisoned, poisoned the suckers every year but they keep coming back, stronger than ever.

    This is why Dicentra’s real garden manages to kill most of the perennials I plant (except, happily, the Dicentras).

    I hate humanity so much because they aren’t dedicating enough resources to eliminating said plague. No one cares enough about me!

  3. geoff said,

    We just need to get the scientists working on Beano for Bovines.

  4. Muslihoon said,

    A response for you all (especially dicentra):

    *head tilt*

  5. Subsunk said,

    Muslihoon, you are too funny. Have a good day, dude.


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